I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
