I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
