I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
