Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
