One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
