i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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