just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
