Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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