i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
