I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
