Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
