Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
