No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
