the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
