i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
