Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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