I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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