I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
