those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
