so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
