there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
