I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
