So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
