A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
