She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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