the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Im part way to drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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