so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
