She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
