I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
