the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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