YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
