I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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