I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
