Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I lost the right to judge tonight
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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