Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
