I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
