he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
