You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
