The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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