Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
