Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
