Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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