i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
