ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
