I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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