i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
