mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Randomize
