Already got asked if we're dating
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
