seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Randomize
