last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
