My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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